She looks designed for quasi-hipsters in an underground laboratory by sadistic genetic engineers hyped up on 5-Hour and listening to Skrillex. She's borderline ugly (oh no, sorry: "classic beauty," like Audrey Hepburn -- i.e., fugly), incredibly uninteresting, bad actress, squeaky singer, and alternative enough to think you're not following the mainstream and yet average enough to appeal to your average mind. She pursues the image of "genuine simplicity," and she does it so painstakingly that she's neither genuine nor simple. She's a calculated erectioneer (yes, that's a word!... well it is now).
Also, Zooey sounds like "gooey" and that's fucking nasty. What the fuck was wrong with "Zoe" or "Zoey"? I don't know which is worse: that her parents would be retarded enough to pick that name or that she (or her agent) would be retarded enough to change it!
PS: Katy Perry is also SIHTEL by obvious association.
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