Justin Bieber

This may seem to be SIHTEHT (stuff I hate that everyone hates too), but it isn't. I don't hate Justin Bieber because he's ignorant, or famous, or rich. I especially hate Bieber-haters who hate him because he looks like a girl... which he does, but that's not the point: the moment you hate him for that reason you're a sexist homophobic asshole and I will gladly fuck your face with my fist. Besides, teens with questionable sexuality are hot. Verily I do say, I wouldn't even need to be too high before I could fuck him. I'd need to smoke less weed to fuck Justin Bieber than Snooki, for example, who is supposedly a female.

Instead, there is only one reason to hate him, and for which he MUST be hated: HE MAKES FUCKING BAD MUSIC. You know the sound a baby goat makes when its balls are being squeezed really hard by Spiderman? Yeah that's what his music sounds like. On a good day. It feels like a thousand midget porn stars raping my ears, and that shit ain't cool.

Also, I hate him because he bangs Selena Gomez, and that's a seriously hot ass to bang.

This right here is the meaning of unfairness.

DAT BAG (the Doritos, I mean).

But maybe "hate" is a strong word. That's more like "bro-hate," you know, the kind of envy that you feel when you remember that Ralph Fiennes fucked Alex Kingston and you... yeah you didn't.

Beautiful Alex with an exceptionally rapey-looking Fiennes.

Here, Dr. Corday! It hurts right here! Visit me!